It never occurred to me that I really missed the times when I was younger. Today’s trip to the wet market confirmed it and I was hit pretty hard in the face by reality. It is a fact that as time passes, people aged. The wet market at Kallang has since renovated once in the past decade, many new vendors had since appeared while some disappeared. Looking at those familiar faces — the aunty selling roasted delights, the uncle selling seafood, the aged couple selling the groceries — , it pains to see that time and age has taken a drastic toll on them. The uncanny similarities I see on each of their faces are the wrinkles and aged spots. Time sure is wicked.
Just last night, I had a random conversation with my aunt. It was regarding my future. Nowadays, I happened to come across many of such related conversations among my peers, teachers and relatives. I usually paid no attention to them under the basis that I am still young and have so much time to explore. But last night, I decide to do a little thinking. What do I really want to be in the future? Surely, there must be something that I excel in or something that I normally do that others often praise me for. How about becoming an artist? Or perhaps becoming an accountant? Many occupations came into mind and it occurred to me that after entering JC, I realised there are others who are doing an even better job than I am and that I do not stand a chance competing against them.
There are many wise people in this beautiful planet and I have come across some of them. Many said, “Choose something that you are interested in.” Heeding this advice, I altered my train of thoughts. What are my interests and what kind of occupations can I gather from those interests? For once, I made a little progress. I love to speak, I love to write, I love to procrastinate, I love to eat and I love to cook. I considered myself to be a public speaker, a lawyer, a writer, a chef or a food blogger. All of these occupations looked really appetizing, still I dismissed them. The reason behind is because these jobs are unstable. I was raised by 3 families, a complicated story, and I made a personal vow to provide for them, having any of these jobs may not be sufficient enough to repay my debt.
At this point, you might say that I am picky or someone who is unable to cherish opportunities. Even to the extent that I lack confidence and basically refusing to overcome all the impedimenta of achieving something in my life. Well, perhaps you may be right. After all these thinking, it made me realised that I am utterly clueless about my destiny.
Then, I had insomnia.
It hurts knowing that I have wasted so much time away on unrelated stuff. My work life balance is screwed up. Life > Work. I know I have to do something especially when I witnessed my rivals/brothers/sisters, who by the mere age of 17, have accomplished many, such as learning how to fly a freaking plane, or drive a car, or be a beauty pageant. Now lies the final question, Where do I go from here?
Note: I do not own the pictures.