Commitment and Discipline – A somewhat thorough self-evaluation.

Time passes by quickly. It felt as if just a moment ago I was enrolled as a new student in a brand new school, ready to receive the intensified rigor of our local education system. Yet, today marks the 10th of December, which also means 3 weeks to the start of a new semester. Throughout the year, I faced many “adversities”, each empowering me to be a better person. I have grown to love writing and found my passion in public speaking as well as experimenting in the kitchen.  I have also grown to hate Chemistry, which brings me to the question, “I hate Chemistry because I fail or I failed because I hate Chemistry?”

However, honestly speaking, this year has not been a fruitful one. The reason behind it is because of my multiple failures I achieved this year. Even though failure in attaining acceptable grades in examinations and tests is one of the many reasons to why I am unhappy, they are however not the main reason to why I felt that 2013 is unproductive. The crucial reason lies in my ability to commit.  Like the previous year, I made many promises to myself to constantly challenge and embrace new adversities but this year is a year filled with shunning and dodging. I have ultimately failed to grow my balls. The inability to quit gaming, the inability to quit procrastinating, the inability to focus, the inability to have more rest, the inability to exercise and the list goes on and on. Questioning further, what exactly is the reason to why I failed to commit? Since I have moved home, could it be that I despise my new living environment? Or perhaps could it be my circle of friends who are pulling me down? Pushing myself further, I have come to an actual realisation that the reason for my absolute wilfulness and the lack of commitment could be me, myself. It seems as if I am denying myself the capability to excel and stick to my goals.

I literally shuddered at such a thought. (Yes, I am shunning it now.)

Now, having the lack of commitment may seem bad enough. But, I have something much more worst and that is none other than – Discipline. There lies a fundamental difference between “Discipline” and “Commitment”. “Commitment” is the dedication to stick to your goals, persevering on until success or accomplishment while “Discipline” is the will to constantly dedicate to your goals, the force that brings you back to the right path when you stray away. Yes, I lack discipline. I lack the substantial will to commit to my goals, which ultimately is one of the main reasons to why 2013 is pathetic for me. The absence of discipline results in more procrastination and greater addiction to games. There are times earlier this year, where I tried and failed to get carried away by work but in fact let my attention shift into other unrelated sectors. Now, it is time for self-evaluation time! So, why do I lack discipline? Could it be that I whatever that I am learning now may not be of relevance in my future? Could it be that I have no idea what to commit and hence deviate from one goal to another, ending up with nothing? Prompting myself further, could it be that I am afraid of working hard? This phobia of hard work may be the reason to why I often first taste sweet then bitter, or rather no bitter at all?

Again, I shuddered at these thoughts.

All in all, one thing is for certain! I am shunning far too many things. Liberation is a gift, which I truly attain this year. It is also something that I have been abusing for the past 11 months. Time is short and being enrolled in such an education requires focus. I absolutely cannot let myself fall further and further down. Just because I have yet made it, does not mean I cannot make it. Gathering all these, I decided to take action. That is to start with the simplest – Jogging. Let me make it an everyday habit to jog, to wake up earlier, to enjoy the sunrise and to get slimmer. As the saying by American author, Zig Ziglar, goes, “It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through.” It is time to commit and be disciplined.

Note: I do not own these images/pictures.


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