Miranda Priestly – An Exposé

This will be a short one.

I am someone who skives a lot, someone who skives even more so if the weather is humid or hot, and apparently the weather has been a deadly combination of both lately. With that in mind, I need to clarify and emphasise that I dislike the weather: I dislike the heat, I dislike the sun, I dislike the absence of a chilly breeze. My dislikes became the reasons I achieve nothing during the day, which eventually motivates me to procrastinate even further in the night.  — But an effect can become a cause, reinforcing the original cause and producing the same effect in an intensified form, and so on indefinitely.

I guess I fulfil the role of “Andrea Sachs” in the “The Devil Wears Prada”, who just got hired as the junior secretary to the editor in chief of “Runway Magazine”, and translation: I am the GP rep for Ms Loreana Chew as of 2013. I have every reason to believe that Ms Loreana is an actual Asian replica of “Miranda Priestly”, from her fashion sense, to the demeanour she poised during lessons, to her working demands, and even to having 2 daughters (but one husband). Other than her charismatic and motivational side, she, to me at the very least, reminds me of “Miranda Priestly”. That being said, I love “Miranda Priestly” because she is just a strong independent woman, whose flippant attitude as well as her sense of sarcasm never fails to amuse me. – “Floras in Spring? Brilliant!

“Miranda Priestly”, with her hair let down, donned a red and black dress, which is complemented with her big, bulky silver metallic bracelet and her black sandals, entered the class seemingly ready to murder anyone who crossed her path. The class, who had apparently overcome the verbiage diarrhoea “Miranda Priestly” spilled earlier on in the week, was clearly oblivious to her intent. Routine took place. She stood in the middle of the class, greeted us, sat down by her desk, opened her bag, took out her pink file and a newspaper, and a pink hear-shaped box, which I believed that the real Miranda Priestly would literally scream in repugnance at the Asian replica.

She began her lesson by discussing about loom bands, the history of how a Malaysian engineer (I think) came out with the idea of selling these miniature, colourful rings of rubber because he wanted to send his daughter for overseas education. What do I think of loom bands?

One, they look horrendous on our skin and I cannot fathom why they are so popular. Second, I swear to god that I used to interlink rubber bands, turning them into skipping ropes or whips as a kid, and I wonder why they have never gotten famous, lest profitable. Thirdly, for the adults who are buying them and creating them from scratch, I can sympathise your decision because you have to admit that these bands are a cheaper version of Pandora Jewellery.

To my dismay, “Miranda Priestly” opened her box and dedicated a band to each and every single person in class. She personally dedicated the black and gold version to me, which in honesty looked more splendid than the rest. (To those who are reading this, hah hah!) That sheer act made me swoon. And she began elaborating:

 “Everybody has a potential to be stretched.

One rainbow loom loops onto the other, and the other loops over another.

Act when you are supposed to act; and when you act when you are not supposed to act, there will be consequences.

That is what I like about this Asian replica of “Miranda Priestly”, she never fails to generously treat her class to little tidbits, informative slice of life, and motivation. While she can be a bitch, she sure can be a loving, doting mother. Gosh, I think I am exaggerating, but this deserves to be exaggerated.

***

At first Miranda said nothing. But then she smiled slightly and said, “Ahn-dre-ah, I’m very pleased with your decision. It is absolutely the right thing to do, and I appreciate that you recognize that. Ahn-dre-ah, I have to say, I had my doubts about you from the start. Clearly, you know nothing about fashion and more than that, you don’t seem to care. And don’t think I’ve failed to notice all the rich and varied ways you convey to me your displeasure when I ask you to do something that you’d rather not. Your competency in the job has been adequate, but your attitude has been substandard at best.”

“Oh, Miranda, please let me—”

“I’m speaking! And I was going to say that I’ll be much more willing to help you get where you’d like to go now that you’ve demonstrated that you’re committed. You should be proud of yourself, Ahn-dre-ah.” –“The Devil Wears Prada” by Lauren Weisberger

***

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