I am mildly aware that I have been changing my routines as well as preferences lately. I used to wake up for a cuppa, then proceeded to wash up, and eventually to the busstop in front of my apartment. Now, I wake up to a glass of water after getting out of the bathroom, then to the busstop behind my neighbourhood park.
Aside that, I would rather hang out with the dudes in class rather than being with my own close clique of peers. That said, I still see them as a family and love them to the moon and back.
Furthermore, upon arrival to the college, I find myself seated amongst a group of zealous students by the benches beside the square, instead of being seated at the quiet cafeteria. (Yes, my life revolves around school.)
I find the change in routine and preferences especially drastic, when it occurred to me that I love eating fruits and vegetables, or anything bland more than the consumption of luscious meat.
I guess I am not “mildly” aware afterall.
And I wonder, what could have caused such a drastic change?
Could it be the results?
I highly doubt so, I mean I have failed the whole year round (or rather for 2 years) and if I were to change I would have already done so long time ago.
Could it be the self-consciousness?
Could be. Afterall, I want to look good, so as to feel good. But I am highly dubious that it would affect me to such an extent.
Whichever the reason, I do hope that I work better. Especially since, I have been feeling rather down lately: getting angst at the slightest “mishap”, cursing at the silliest things, self-blaming at the simplest mistakes. This is perhaps known as desperation.
“And I hate school! I hate it! I’ll stop studying, and I’ll be a dummy like him. I’ll forget everything I learned and then I’ll be just like him.” She runs out of the room, shrieking: “It’s happening to me already. I’m forgetting everything . . . I’m forgetting . . . I don’t remember anything I learned any more!” — “Flowers for Algernon” — Daniel Keyes