Try Hard

Call me a try hard because that is the truth.

I fall into this category of trying to fit in, and every single time I try, I ended up being a big failure.

It is as if there is some form of unexplained phenomenon happening within me, where there is no correlation between the actions I intend to portray and the ones I display.

Sometimes, it could be finding the right words to express something – a feeling, a statement, or an instance – but they never do come out of my mouth, or at least the way I intend them to be. Sometimes, the wrong words or the exact opposite words came out instead.

Sometimes it is the never-residing battle between my head and my heart, where rationalisation and emotions interlock in a self-fuelled confrontation that goes nowhere except for the invariable and inevitable fact that I still end up with some form of injury.

Sometimes it is coping with the fact that I can never create things that are truly my own. Not because there is no inspiration. But precisely because there is such great prevalence everywhere that I want to incorporate every single minute detail I observe, or read, or hear into a 20×20 portrait. The final piece either lacks a concrete structure or misses the point entirely.

Sometimes it is having found the determination to change and impress but because there exists a stubborn retardation or inertia that impedes the stimuli resulting in a never intended stagnation.

Call me a try hard because that is the truth.


One thought on “Try Hard

  1. Hi SD. Happens. It’s good you’re aware of that, though. Still, sometimes a little less contemplating and a bit more ‘just the heck with it’ serve us well, I thunk. 🙂 Good luck!

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