dangerous activity

i think it is dangerous to partake in late night ramblings but this situation calls for one, so i am going to heed my urges and you are going to read it. it’s been a few days since i began my internship. and already, i feel the inadequacy of my existence in the company. the praises that i used to get are merely vapours of the past, and adapting to a new life is yet again a big hurdle to overcome.

truth is, i wish i am less of a pessimist and more of an optimist. i wish i would think of this opportunity as a way to hone my craft. and i wish i am smarter and more resourceful. i wouldn’t deny that i once wished i was birthed with a golden spoon and that life would have been vastly different – maybe better. being a perfectionist hurts.

being a perfectionist hurts. and no right words, or phrases, or sentences can aptly describe this feeling. if i am forced to put these to words, i’d say something inside me is, slowly but surely, eating me alive. and while it may seem i am breathing and eating and sleeping fine, my soul may have already been shattered into a million shards.

that said, there is no beauty without pain.

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